Welcome to my pity party

Stay if you would like, but if you can’t handle it, run away.

I have been in a mood all week.  A real mood.  A real bad mood.  My husband is none too happy with it, my children hug me and tell me it will be OK, my mom is not speaking to me because of it.  That kind of mood.

I am not sure what the root of the mood is.  Maybe it is PMS.  Maybe it is that I just am virtually annoyed with everything.  Maybe it is because I don’t feel like being nice right now.  Especially when others are not nice to me.  I feel like having a real temper tantrum (alone, of course) and just letting it all out.  I feel like crying/screaming/hiding and wining.  Not sure why.

I guess sometimes I feel like I am taken advantage of by students, family and others.  I overlook a lot – I always have. I am usually the one who hears everyone’s side and takes in a lot of different perspectives.  For some reason, however, that is not done when it comes to me.  Grrr.

I should get to the root of my mood.  I know.  It could be that I just feel out of shape and ugly.  Who knows?!  It also could be that I am almost 40 and still paying on student loans for my Master’s degree.  Sucks.  It might be that I get, as my husband says, very cranky when I am overly tired.  Who isn’t overly tired?  It could be the fact that I am just in a bad mood.  An overall bad mood.

Here are some annoying things of the week: student gossip, Parent/Teacher conferences, grown-up passive aggressive BS, kids Open House, and I am fat with zero energy or motivation to do anything about it.

Why student gossip?  Well, students can be difficult.  They turn on each other.  They are mean to each other. I don’t know how to fix this and it bothers me.

Why P/T conferences?  Because I have no childcare in the fall or spring b/c Tom directs shows.  I couldn’t get to choir in time to pick up my children.  I am a sucky mom.

Why grown-up passive aggressive BS?  Because some people are harboring this anger towards me and it is so stupid.  When did it become OK to sit and fester on something and not address it with the person?  That is like student drama.  Hate it.

Why Open House?  My husband teaches in the district.  I, then, cannot really say what I feel.  Instead, I have to smile and be faux.  I am a teacher.  I know they are requiring too much homework.  I also know the kids have two recesses.  Why not have one recess be homework study buddy time?  Geez.  I wish we had two recesses on the high school level. Ha. Also at Open House I ran into this woman who said a horrible thing about me to a friend of mine (a friend good enough to tell me about it after I pressed her.)  The meanie said, “How can she (me) choreograph at her size?  I bet the kids just make total fun of how fat she is.”  I could not make this up.  It devastated me.  Yeah, she was at Open House last night.  She looked me up and down.  Never in my life have I wanted to give someone the finger so badly.

Why fat? I wasn’t always like this.  I used to look good.  Unfortunately, child bearing did nothing to enhance my figure.  And I am tired.  As anyone who works full time and is a mom would be.  I just don’t have the motivation at night.  I tried to go on the treadmill last night.  I made it 10 minutes – not because I am out of shape, but because I was bored.  Yeppers.

So, that is why I am on the verge of tears all week.  Hope you enjoyed the pity party.  Here is a chocolate bar.  I already had one.

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