If I Only Had a Clone

Remember the movie Multiplicity with Michael Keaton?  Over the past two weeks, I know why he embraced the philosophy of having many clones.

I would like just one clone.  Stat.

It has been unbelievably busy lately.  I mean non-stop busy.  I have decided the way that would have been the easiest would be to have a clone.

Many me.

I would have my clone take my place as National Honor Society adviser.  I could have celebrated with the newly members while my clone could have eased the pains and wiped the tears of the 15 who did not get in.

I would have my clone go to Walmart.  I hate going there, and it is almost a festival of clones there anyhow.  I would have hung out and read books with Squishy or played String Bean in a round of Mario Kart.

I would have my clone sit through long meetings.  She could sit there, smiling at all the information that would have been better off in an email while I would get my copies ready for the morning’s classes.

I would have my clone fix technology for everyone.  My clone could go and fix a computer for two hours while I ventured to the park for a nice walk.

I would have my clone conference with String Bean’s teacher.  My clone may be better at this than I am because she would not be so frustrated.  I would get a massage – to calm down, of course.

I would have my clone grade freshmen English persuasive essays.  I would give her a purple pen (it is less threatening) and have her go to town.  She would not feel pained as the students leave the classroom and dump the carefully graded essays in the garbage after glancing briefly at the score.

I would have my clone go bathing suit shopping.  She could have the honor of trying on a variety of suits and finding the perfect one all while standing under harsh, fluorescent lights.  I would sit and read  Stephen King’s new novel on my Kindle.

I would have my clone update my Facebook, reply to text messages, fetch my lunch, get allergy shots, pay bills, go shopping, feed the dogs, clean my closet and pretty much do everything that has piled up from The Captain’s musical and break.  During this time, I would have been able to write on my much-neglected blog.

If I only had a clone.

59 thoughts on “If I Only Had a Clone

  1. I think we can all empathize with you on that one. Life is much better for me now, but I remember how fun it was to juggle a job and everything else.

    But tell me, do students really just toss their essays in the garbage without taking the time to read through your comments? That would make my blood pressure so high, I’d rupture like an overripe tomato!

    • I have a stack of about 40 sitting in the recycling bin in my classroom right now. I spent over five hours editing and commenting on the papers. They spent ten seconds looking at them. It does make the blood boil!

      • Doesn’t that go against human nature? Don’t people want to see what they did well and what they can improve on? I mean, I know we’re talking about kids here, but my 9th grade son goes through his papers and tests to review the comments. Oh wait…maybe that’s because he has me as a mother. Poor kid…

  2. Before we knew of clones, we wished to be an octopus- many hands to do lots of things. I’d add- motor vehicle, Home Depot ( or any type of hardware/lawn care errand), waiting in md offices.

  3. It’s all good and well, until the clones decide they want all of your life. Then it’s anarchy and confusion. The extra hands would be nice, but the end result? Not so good.

    I’m looking for a good quantum physicist to work on efficient, life management time travel. So far, no takers. 🙂

  4. I loved that movie ! & even though his clones became “dummer”, if you think about it, most of the stuff we do would be perfect for a clone (errands, or just making an appearance somewhere)

  5. Can I just have a clone to do my laundry? I’m okay with all the other stuff. Actually, I’ll put the dirty laundry in the washer and dryer, my clone just needs to be able to fold and hang. Oh, and I guess she can go to work for me on occasion, but I’m not paying for the gas!

  6. I would like a clone to do all my housework and cleaning up after I do the cooking (I like cooking). Would I then be happy reading all the books I want, read and comment on all the blogs I follow and do only what I like? Then I might want another clone to replace my clone because too much of a good thing became boring. What a concept!

  7. If it makes you feel better to know you can’t have a clone, think of all the trouble it could cause. Your living expenses would go up, there would be less room in the house and she could be an evil clone. Hmm, maybe that would all be worth it…

  8. OMG, not only have you given me a great idea for a nostalgic movie to watch, but you have potentially solved all the problems in my life! One to do my job, one to do my Masters, one to exercise… I love this idea. I could build a little shed in the garden to keep them all in too. Well, maybe I could get one of the clones to actually build it, LOL!

  9. Absolutely love this post! Thanks for stopping by mine so I could find yours! I especially like the clone trying on bathings suits. A friend of mine asked recently, “Do you buy a bathing suit every year?” She was surprised to hear me say, “Well, yes and no. I HATE buying bathings suits, so I only buy them once every five or six years, but when I do, I buy 5 or 6 so I won’t have to do it again for awhile!” Gee, that might make a good post!

    • I was so happy to have stumbled onto your blog! Hooray! I love your swimsuit shopping plan – and it is a post that you must write soon! What a great idea to reduce the nightmare of swimsuit shopping!

  10. Love this post. I’ve thought about the need for a clone, too. I’ve shared it with my husband and he suggested getting a personal assistant. Apparently he doesn’t understand that I’M THE ONLY ONE who can do all these things. Sheesh!

    • I know exactly what you mean! I feel like I would spend more time telling the personal assistant what I needed them to do than just doing it myself. That is why a clone is handy – they already know everything! 😉

  11. Oh, this is great! I laughed out loud at the description of grading essays with a purple pen and watching students dump them into the garbage can (not even the recycling bin!) on their way out the door. Been there…and also wish I had a clone to do it for me.

    • Thanks, Sarah! It is most depressing when students toss papers before even leaving the room. Sometimes I wonder if I should just put a letter grade on them and return them that way…

  12. If I were to clone myself, I’d give myself a smaller butt and better hair. I’d also like her to be a bit more organizer. Ok, come to think of it, maybe I would just clone someone like Martha Stewart. But make it where she couldn’t talk…

  13. Alternately, Hubs and I have discussed the need for a Stay at Home Wife… to do all of the domestic things that I hate doing… I suspect that any clone of me would also hate domestic things and then where would we be? Then again, maybe with 3 incomes we could affort a housekeeper!

  14. We should chat sometime about NHS advising; I am one, too, and I pretty much wing it each year. And I want a clone, too. Especially for the staff meetings and grading!!

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