The (Extremely Short) Case of the Chocolate Easter Bunny

There was a chocolate bunny filled with wonderful peanut butter.  He sat on my kitchen counter for over a week.

He stared at me.  His chocolate, lifeless eyes would bore into my soul every time I passed by.  He would not relent.

My diet said that I was not to go near him.  I was not to make eye contact with him, and I was not allowed to check on his whereabouts.  I had to stay away.

Believe me. There is nothing fluffy or cuddly about this bunny.

But I couldn’t.  He kept taunting me with his knowing smile and his perky ears.  He would not leave me alone.  He was a demon bunny encased in a glowing, glittering pink box.  He was relentless.

I had to ignore him.  I needed a strong dose of willpower stat.

He kept staring and I began pacing the room.  Homework took over.  I didn’t have to look over and see the glaring, evil bunny, only help with homework.  But I could still feel his magnetic pull like a moth to a flame.

The next thing I knew, he was gone.  He had disappeared and I was happy, oh so happy.

I went about my day relieved until The Captain asked me to look in the trash can.

Glancing into the round bin I noticed the glowing, glittering pink box sans bunny.

“Do you know who may have eaten this bunny?”  The Captain asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know for sure,” I answered coyly, “But I am positive he is in a better place.”  And with that, I licked my lips and left the room.

Goodbye, bunny from Hell.  I win.

33 thoughts on “The (Extremely Short) Case of the Chocolate Easter Bunny

  1. Oh, I can so relate! That same d**n bunny is sitting in my pantry. If one of my kids doesn’t eat it soon, I can’t be held responsible for my actions. 🙂

    Really great post! it provided much needed smiles on a Monday.

  2. I, for one, am glad you put that demon bunny in his place! Who did he think he was taunting you from his little pink box?? (Great post!)

  3. Thankfully, the Tweedles both ate their bunnies quickly. I didn’t even get to take “mommy tax” by nibbling on the ears. Evil rabbits.

  4. I have 2 points to make. First, you should always run like hell from anything glowing and glittering. It is always, I stress ALWAYS, a demonic presence in figurative sheep’s clothing. Second, the bunny from hell may be in a better place, but you did not win. Look behind you: he’s become part of your charming buttocks. Demonic possession of the worst kind.

  5. My wife buys me an Easter basket full of goodies just so I won’t mutilate those belonging to my children. It is the only way that they can get their share of goodies with me around. Yes. I’m a confessed chocoholic. Actually, no kind of candy is safe near me, except those weird orange marshmallow peanut things – ew!

  6. Pingback: Hey, Santa! | jeandayfriday

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