A Clark Griswold Kind of Day

Don’t let me near any Christmas lights.  I may send Santa over the moon.

It has been a Clark Griswold kind of day. 

Everything I have tried to accomplish has backfired.  Where is the switch in the garage to light up my world?

I feel as if I am heading toward Walley World without a map.  Where is my family truckster?

I have no patience with people today.  “Kiss his ass, kiss your ass, kiss my ass, Happy Chanukah.”

Now, I have always been a fan of Clark (or Sparky as he is lovingly called), and I know that sometimes The Captain has some of Clark’s tendencies.  So, maybe if I recap some of those, my day will get a little bit brighter.  Here goes:

When The Captain starts a project, he must finish it.  He cannot stand to let it go halfway.  “Russ, we checked every bulb, didn’t we?   Hmm… Maybe we ought to just go up there and check some more…”

When unexpected company arrives, The Captain has a way with words.  “Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?”

When The Captain gets a little down, he can see the big picture.  “WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here, Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”

When The Captain drives the mini-van, he can get a little road rage.  “Burn dust, eat my rubber!”

When The Captain has an annoying visitor, relative or otherwise, he can get sarcastic.  “Surprised Eddy? If I woke up tomorrow with my head stapled to the carpet I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now.”

When The Captain decorates for the holidays, he takes the task very seriously as, I’m sure, he will teach to our dudes. “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”

When The Captain is packing for a trip, he sometimes feels like a pack mule. “Well I’m gonna park the cars and get the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the season.”

When The Captain remembers his childhood, he always has fond memories.  “When I was a boy, just about every summer we’d take a vacation. And you know, in 18 years, we never had fun.”

And when The Captain has had his fill of family vacations, he looks on the bright side. “Well I’ll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It’s a quest. It’s a quest for fun. I’m gonna have fun and you’re gonna have fun.  We’re all gonna have so much  fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our damn smiles. ”

That helped some, but I think I am still Sparky today.

Here is the fearful thing:  I said this in the hallway and a student asked me, “Who is Clark Griswold?”  I began humming, shrugged my shoulders and shook my head.

Walley World, anyone?

37 thoughts on “A Clark Griswold Kind of Day

  1. Geesh, those kids don’t know what they’re missing. Some days a Clark Griswold day would be good, shake things up a bit, ya know? Just as long as no squirrels jump on my back.

    • The squirrel in the tree! I almost forgot about that one! I wish I could assign Christmas Vacation to my students but I am not sure how that would fit in the curriculum!

  2. “We’re all gonna have so much fun we’ll need plastic surgery to remove our damn smiles.” every family vacation ever! Hope things get better. If they don’t, punch a moose in the nose.

      • Whenever I put ketchup on the table, I always say, “Nothing but the finest” in honor of Eddie’s response to Clark when he asks him, “Real tomato ketchup, Eddie?” My kids think I’m weird, but this is nothing new…

  3. Super! Great writing and I absolutely love the Griswold family. Now, you get bonus points if you can tell me what actor played Rusty, the son, in Christmas Vacation. No cheating. He’s currently in a hit TV show. HF

  4. Oh, I love Clark. The quotes brightened my day!
    My mom works at a university and she once referenced Laurel and Hardy to the students. “Who are they?” the students asked. Seriously.

    • I am glad to have made your day brighter! 🙂 I can’t believe students didn’t know who Clark Griswold was and I am surprised they didn’t know Laurel and Hardy. I think there is a lot to be said for knowing a little pop culture! I mentioned Ace Ventura to a class of freshmen today and they looked at me like I had three heads.

    • I am so glad to hear this! You are an awesome mom! I was amazed that 15 year old students didn’t know who he was. This is the same group that only two knew who Yoda was, so I shouldn’t have been too surprised.

  5. My brother and I have an ongoing joke when we give each other gifts: “Clark, I wanted to get you something reeeally {insert mouth click} nice.” My husband likes to talk about the mighty Mississippi… The Old Man. Whatever the case, I hope your mood improves–but at least you have the awesome quotes to keep you company.

  6. Haha! I love Clark Griswold! He’s a ‘glass is half full’ kind of guy which I much prefer over the ‘glass is half empty’ person. I have a little Clark in me, I must admit, and I know very well that it gets on my family’s nerves! haha!

  7. There should be a course, ‘Griswold 101’. The wrapped cat in ‘Christmas Vacation’. The rage at closed Wally World. The fried food on the radioactive rocks in ‘Vegas’.

    Yes, I’d sign that petition to have that course brought to schools nationwide, I’d sign it gladly.

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