I knew that I had a wild child when he told my dear grandmother, Charlotte, that she was “nice stupid.”
My youngest, Squishy, has a way with words.

Here is Squishy at age 3. He is on the right with the not-a-smile expression. An expression of wild.
When he was just a little dude at the tender age of three, he vocalized his feelings. He didn’t hold back; he just said whatever was on his mind.
My dear grandmother, who was in her early 80s at the time, was talking to him asking him what he wanted to eat (she always wanted to feed all of us – all of the time). He kept telling her that he wanted ice cream, but she had trouble decifering the toddler-speak.
Finally, when she asked him for the third time, he stood up, put his hand on his hips, and blurted out, “Mam-ma, you’re stupid.”
Enter epic parenting fail.
She, however, didn’t miss a beat, and, this time, she perfectly understood what he just said to her. No decoding needed.
“Luke, Mam-ma is not stupid. Mam-ma is nice,” she calmly retorted.
He turned as if he was about to leave the room, and then turned back, dropping his arms to his side and tilting his head ever so slightly. The wheels were turning in that three-year-old brain of his.
And I was petrified by what he would say next.
“You’re right, Mam-ma. You are not stupid… You are nice stupid,” and he did an about face and left the room.
This is when I knew I was in trouble.
At school, Squishy was (and is) the perfect angel. It is just at home where his filter is lacking.
A few summers ago, when Squishy was six, he called my mother-in-law an old hag…in front of her bridge club. (Yes, I am a proud parent – cough, cough). Apparently he was “just kidding” and “only wanted some snacks.” When she asked where he learned that phrase, he said “my mom.” I don’t recall ever in my life uttering the words “you old hag,” but in his mind, it was a free pass out of trouble.
More recently, he has been caught saying “shut your pie hole.” Now I do know where this reference came from. It is from the movie “The Sandlot” and The Captain was very excited the dudes liked the film. Very excited, indeed, especially when Squishy not-so-subtly said this to my mother-in-law.
I found out about this gem of a phrase when I walked in on my mother-in-law discussing my “poor parenting choices” with a friend of hers. She went on to tell the friend, “and she just laughs at what he says instead of disciplines him.” Later I found that, once again, he blamed me for teaching him the phrase. Hmmm. Is there a trend going on?
When I addressed the behavior, he justified it by saying, “She wouldn’t stop talking, Mom.”
Touche, Squishy, touche.
Haha! Oh what a great post. Even at three my daughter has become a parrot for my parenting fails and expressions. You are not alone, and Squishy is completely adorable.
Awe, thanks! It is amazing what they pick up and from where! Squishy was none too happy that I posted this because, in his words, he has “matured.” Lol!
Oh, Squishy certainly does have a way with words. He-Who recently was discussing with his granddaughter the language she was using on facebook. She is pre-teen and we had noticed some unacceptable words. When her mother asked where she learned such things both his granddaughter and her brother piped up at the same time “Grandpa”. It certainly too the wind out of his sails and I got an I told you so moment.
Too funny! Those “I told you so” moments are the best sometimes, aren’t they?! 🙂
My gosh. That’s cute. A bit horrifying, but also cute and memorable. “Squishy”–love it!
Sometimes I stand in horror waiting to see what he will say next!
“poor parenting choices” hahahahahaha! Because you are the only parent in the world that has had a child that says not-so-appropriate thing. It never happens to any other parent out there! Oh, this was funny! I’m still giggling!
I know, right?! I told my mother in law that I wasn’t alone in having an outspoken child; there was even a book called Kids Say the Darndest Things! 😉
What a character and so cute. One day he will be the president of something, I’m SURE.
😀
That is what I am afraid of! Hope I didn’t ruin his chances of running for office with this post. 😉
*grins*
Squishy is so cute! He reminds me of my three-year-old daughter who is quite “crazy!” She’s witty too. A few days ago, she wet her pants on my office chair, even though she’s been potty-trained for some time now, and when I asked her about it, she said, “Surprise!”
OMG – too funny! Not sure that was the surprise you really wanted! 😉
Sounds like you have the perfect late-night talk-show host in your home. He’s just greasin’ the wheels until they pay him millions to talk like that. 🙂
That would be awesome! All my crazy parenting will have paid off! 😉
Oh man, that is too funny and the best mother-in-law story I’ve read all day!
Thank you so much! She and I have a very interesting relationship. My husband calls us Salt and Pepper. I am Pepper, of course! 😉
Hilarious. At a bridge game! Yikes.
That would be my favorite moment. I just wish I was a fly on the wall there!
I am trying not to laugh, but it keeps coming out because he’s not my child. I’m so glad your son doesn’t have my parents or Eric’s parents for grandparents. Heh.
And yes, I guarantee he thinks that by telling people you’re “teaching” him this stuff, you’ll get in trouble and he won’t. I don’t, however, think that you’re failing as a parent. You can be the best parent in the world (whatever that subjective description means), and some kids will just always be willful and outspoken.
WOOOO! Good luck with that one. Hahaha!
Thanks, Heather! I need all the luck I can get with this one. I can’t help but laugh at many of the things he says – he is witty! 😉
Oy.
I know it! 😉
Ummm I loveeee your son. He is the best. I didn’t have much of a filter either as a child. I’m sure he’ll be a talented blogger someday!
Also, he could be saying MUCH worse things. How could you not laugh when he says “shut your piehole?” haha. And I still love The Sandlot.
Great post!
Thanks, Lily! He is a trip, that is for sure. There is never a dull moment. What amazes me is that he is very much the teacher’s pet. They never believe me! I am afraid I may have an Eddie Haskell on my hands. 😉
Haha this is adorable! He sounds like a child after my own heart, I’ll bet he grows up to be an amazing(ly hilarious) person!
PS- Sandlot, huzzah!
Thanks! He is pretty funny (and witty – which could be enough to drive my husband crazy!)
Sandlot = awesome. 😉
That is some good stuff. So, in these moments, it’s all in the delivery. A cute kid like that can make anyone laugh with the right delivery. Of course, if not perfected, the words might be very problematic. And that could be bad. I had a way-too-sassy mouth as a kid, and I can remember more than one family member (two aunts in particular, one grandmother) who told my mom that they were so glad that I was hers and not theirs. Oops.
You are absolutely right! I hope he continues to deliver his colorful phrases without being mean. At this point, he has chosen to deny all in the above post. 😉
I have heard you talk about thsi all before but when placed in the same expose , so to speak, I just can’t help laughing that much harder and visualizing “Mr. Innocent’s” facial experessions! Ah, isn’t motherhood fun?!!
It is fun, crazy but fun! 🙂
Does your son know my daughter, Kate? Kate has replaced the word “no” with “never”.
Where do they come up with these things!!
I know! I don’t know where they get these things, although mine would say I taught it to him! 😉 Kate and Squishy would definitely get along well!
Oh write this stuff down (and you have). Document to use as proof to him when he grows up and needs something. It will happen. The balance of power will change, Sincerely, Mom of a Grown-Up
Great advice – thank you! There are so many things I wish I would’ve written down. I have been trying to make more of an effort remembering and writing down the funny stuff. 🙂 They grow up way too fast…
Sometimes I laugh when my kids say horrendous things. It’s better than crying! MILs know that. Cute post!
Thanks! Laughing does help keep us sane, doesn’t it?1 🙂
Haha what embarrassingly hilarious moments would those be. Though I am not a parent, not yet, but I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. 🙂
Thank you! Glad to have you visiting! 🙂