I can’t make this stuff up. This is a poster advertising a new musical. Although it is not well-known, it may become a Tony Award winner. It is called The Confession, an Amish Love Story and a new musical.
There are so many things wrong with this, I don’t even know where to begin. First, it is an oxymoron. Second, who is going to come and see it? And, third, why did I see this sign to begin with?
I live in Ohio. There is an Amish population not too far from me. I don’t visit there very often (although they do have good cheese), but sometimes I am put into situations that force me to drive into the cusp of the Amish world. On Saturday, a friend of mine had a birthday and she wanted to go to the Amish world to have some down home Amish cookin’. Here are the gist of my texts with the birthday planner:
Me: Really? They don’t serve any wine there.
Birthday planner: That is where she wants to go. It is her birthday, you know?
Me: Yeah, I understand. But they don’t serve any wine there.
And so it goes. When we got there, the poster above greeted us by the hostess station. I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. Seriously, I thought, there is a musical for an Amish love story? This could be epically hilarious or an epic fail. After staring at the poster for an unrealistic amount of time, I decided that instead of their title, they needed to go more mainstream. Here are some of the suggestions I have for Amish musicals to, you know, attract more of an audience:
Thoroughly Modern Miller
How to Succeed in Plowing without Fueled Machinery
Hamalot: The Quest for the Golden Butter Churn
Eli and the Amazing Technicolor Barn
Beauty and the Buggy
The Phantom of the Lumber Yard
A Grand Night for Quilting
Me and My Goat
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Sawmill
The Yoder Family
Seven Beards for Seven Troyers
Little Shop of Knick-Knacks
Bring in ‘Da Cows, Bring in ‘Da Pigs
I could go on, but I think I have given the Amish community some golden, buttery, homemade noodle nuggets of suggestions. Maybe I will think of some novel ideas for them next week, like “Gone With the Electricity” and “The Scarlett Bonnet.”