Carly Simon and Life Lessons

The very first real album I ever received was when I was in second grade. It was the latest Carly Simon record and I used to put it on the record player in our unfinished basement and roller skate to it for hours.

All I needed to know about being a grownup was on that album.

First, men are vain and they probably think the songs are about them.

Second, Anticipation will be a daily occurrence, whether it is waiting for a return text message or just waiting for one’s period to come.

Third, if you perform Mockingbird with your spouse, you will likely end up in divorce court.  It may be cheeky and fun, but it is best left for a Jim Carrey rendition in Dumb and Dumber.

Fourth, if the song Let the River Run doesn’t make you feel anything on any emotional level, you need to seek psychiatric care.  ASAP.

Fifth, That’s The Way I’ve Always Heard It Should Be is an anthem to never getting married because we all turn into our parents if we do. But, we get married anyway so we didn’t pay attention either.  And our parents did it, so we can surely handle it, right?

Sixth, I haven’t got time for the pain because being a mother/wife/woman is not about me (refer to the vain statement.)  And who wants to schedule doctors visits.  Just take some Advil and get over it.  Geez.

Seventh, just like in the song Jesse, fresh flowers don’t really work with dudes.  That is just weird to think they do. In fact, they backfire.  Take it from me.  There was a guy named Rob.  Enough said.  He and Jesse must be living on an island somewhere.  Just sayin’.

Eighth, there may be clouds in my coffee or it may be hallucinations from having to be at work so early. Or, just maybe, the coffee creamer has expired.  Or maybe I forgot to bring my coffee, which can make the whole day cloudy.

Ninth, it is best to compliment your spouse/love by saying nobody does it better because saying anything else would just start conflict. Refer to the first example again!

Tenth, the stuff that dreams are made of includes actually getting a full night’s sleep, which, as a parent, doesn’t happen until the kids are in college.  Or until the Sleep Number bed arrives.

So, are you ready to roller skate to Carly in your basement with me?

Carly likes scarves, I like scarves.