In August of 2012, I had a realization.
It was one of those epiphany moments where music played, the camera zoomed in, and someone with an incredibly deep voice began narrating in my head. “It is time.”
It was the start of my journey to lose weight.
We had just returned home from a Vegas vacation with our amazing friends, and we had celebrated my upcoming 40th birthday there. I wasn’t turning 40 until September, but it seemed like a perfect “excuse” to go to Vegas and have some fun.
My friends came over bringing photos – printed out ones (amazing, right?!) – documenting our trip. I was ecstatic to see the pictures. We had had such a wonderful time, and the pictures were actually printed! Rock on!
I wasn’t prepared for the shock of seeing myself in photos. Now, understand me when I say that I see myself daily, but it is easy to “hide” from my appearance in the mirror. It is easy to “see” exactly what I wanted to see when I put on make-up. It is easy to “convince” myself that I looked fine.
But photos tell another story.
I looked on them in horror. After our friends left, I said to The Captain, “Why didn’t you tell me I looked just plain awful and disgusting?!”
“I think you look fine,” he said.
About a week later, my oldest, then ten years old, gave me a bear hug and proceeded to say, “Mom, maybe you should go on a diet. I can’t get my arms around you.”
The Captain, trying to spare my feelings, said, “Apologize to your mother right now. That isn’t nice.”
String Bean looked at me and said, “Sorry, Mom, but really, maybe you would like to exercise sometime. You may feel better, ya know?”
He was right. I had avoided being healthy. I had avoided looking – really looking – at myself. I had avoided it all.
I made a decision. I didn’t share it with anyone. Not my husband, my kids or my friends.
I made an appointment with a dietician. And it has changed my life.
Walking into a new atmosphere can be daunting. Walking in knowing that I was more than 80 pounds was downright frightening.
It took some time, but the weight began to come off. And the new habits of eating right and exercising became commonplace to me.
It took a lot of time.
But now, two years later, I can safely say I have changed (and I am still changing), not only in body, but in spirit and mind.
I will write more about the transformation process soon, but, for now, I will end with this:
No one can decide what time is right, it is personal; a personal journey. I had to make the decision to make a change, others could not make it for me. And I am still on the journey…